This post is all about the Business Jargon that people use in the day-to-day office life.
My observation: (need not apply to everyone)
- These phrases are generally used by people who usually want to cover their ignorance about any topic / project / technical issues (which really require in-depth knowledge) from their peers, juniors, seniors etc.
- Many people use this to impress/ influence the other person by showing off his/her English skills / jargon knowledge etc.
- Some others still use it to get hold of the other person (mostly juniors) so as to pressurize them passively to get the work done.
- Some others even use it to purposefully complicate / confuse the other person so as to get the desired result.
I simply hate this jargon and obviously the people who (over)use it. According to me those people who use it are mostly hypocrites. Because i strongly feel that: COMPLICATING THE THINGS IS REALLY EASY THAN MAKING THINGS EASY OR STRAIGHTFORWARD…!
Now let’s begin our journey in the Bull-Shit land of Business Jargon…! 🙂
- “Let’s finish the LOW HANGING FRUITS first and take up the others later…!” (which fruits…sorry…! 🙂 ….This simply means “Easy ones first”…simplify buddy !!! )
- “I don’t have enough BANDWIDTH” (what is the word from electronics/electrical world doing here…instead why not simply say i am 100% occupied)
- “This would add more MEAT TO THE BONE…!” (WHATTTT !!! :-()
- “And then Peter will VET this requirement with the client.” (…whats the harm in saying…will confirm with the client)
- “She is brilliant, always takes the BOTTOMLINE.” ( which line :-)…why not say “responsibility” instead…i mean why to make it flashy for no reason at all…!)
- “So David, whats ON YOUR PLATE today.” ( 🙂 my plate broke yesterday…instead why not say “what are you working on today…”)
- “So we will TOUCH BASE next week same time.” ( what base :-)…boss why not say we will meet up next time)
- “You should PUSH BACK, if this is not possible.” (Push back : Saying ‘NO’)
- “There is ONE CAVEAT, but i will get back on this.” (what !!! CAVEAT = ISSUE etc)
- “We are aiming to OPERATIONALIZE the new system moving forward to ensure key stakeholders and Project team members are on the same WAVELENGHT. ( No comments…typical managers speak)
- “He has a STEEP LEARNING CURVE.” ( generally used in the Performance Reviews…boss why not say he is intelligent and has sharp mind)
- “Let me PLAY DEVIL’S ADVOCATE here…” (…simply say…i disagree…thats it…why it has to be so….i mean seriously…)
- “I don’t DISAGREE…” (wtf..seriously…i get furious when i hear someone saying this…why cannot people be clear and concise while speaking…why so much ambiguity…this actually means “I agree” in technical terms as -ve + -ve = positive :-))
- “Let’s take this OFFLINE…” (…lets take this after the call, meeting etc…what is online/offline)
- “You have to ARTICULATE in such a manner so as to INCENTIVIZE the whole idea..!” (sorry…pardon pls… :-(…this just means that you should show benefits of the whole idea to the people if they bring this is action )
- “SHOOT me an email…once done.” ( shall i shoot you instead… :-))
- “You should be PROACTIVE and THINK OUT OF THE BOX.” (how ACTIVE and which and what BOX…Ye baat kuch kya… aaj tak… hajam nahi hui…!)
- “CASCADE this information/mail to the rest of the team…” (pass on this information to the other team members…)
- “Are we all in AGREEANCE ?” (i bet this is not ENGLISH…something else…!)
- “Its a TYPO, MY BAD!” (WTF…this gets on my nerves…seriously…MY BAD…what BAD..simply say My Mistake…)
- “Offshore will DEEP DIVE and come up with questions if any.” (Deep dive…no no say Scuba Dive… ;-))
- “This feature can be LEVERAGED for this requirement.” (Most inappropriately used word…check out!)
- “Malcom will do the SANITY CHECK and will ensure that EVERYTHING IS IN PLACE.” (Sanity check…what has sanity to do here.. :-))
- “Is this SCALABLE.If yes,we are goign to SCALE that idea across this department.” (Can this idea be taken ahead OR repeated if successful in one department..)
- “Yes i will find out and REVERT” (…can anyone tell what REVERT actually mean ???)
- “I hope we are ON THE SAME PAGE.” (which page…sorry…instead can we not say “do we have same understanding??”…)
- “Lets put our THINKING HATS on!” (where do we get one…Walmart or Sears…no no Target i guess… :-))
- “Lets PARK THAT issue and focus on the more important ones for now.” (Parking is full…now what.. :-))
- “This is a big ask..” (Why not use ‘request’? why to use “ask” as a noun?)
- “Let’s go ahead and SUNSET that..!” (Boss this one is really irritating…why use such english…just to feel upmarket…)
- “This will be a sure SHOW STOPPER” (Commonly used…no comments)
- “You have to LOOK UNDER THE HOOD to get that right” (gets same feeling when someone uses “Think out of box”!!!)
- “This is to avoid the REINVENTION OF THE WHEEL everytime…” (who told you to…why not use repetition instead..)
- “Could you LIAISE with Shanker and SPEARHEAD this assignment?” (whats wrong with “Work with” or “Connect” and whats wrong with lead…why SPEARHEAD…why why why???)
- “We should take a HELICOPTER VIEW of this problem and then try to think again” (Helicopter has crash landed boss…!…seriously…wtf)
- “Lets INTERNALIZE this among the team” (No comments…wrong english i guess..)
- “QUOTE UNQUOTE, but client said the same thing…!” (This is again used for quoting someone…but people use it in such a fashion that other person cannot make out whether that is really Quoted by the other person or himself…tragedy :-))
- ” With this step we will ensure that all the LOOPS ARE CLOSED..!” ( 🙂 …thats it)
- “Peter have you updated your RADAR SCREEN for the new sales pipeline.” (Radar is in repair now…so what to do next… :-))
- You should be a Thought Leader…! (Nowadays this is a much hyped word…however it simply means expertise in one area and the ways to display it…thats it..thats what we call thought leadership…and the person doing this or displaying his own expertise/knowledge about particular topic is called a Thought Leader…!)
Please add if you have more of it…!